Q: "I just got engaged and have no idea where to start on the planning. What should I do first?"
A: Congratulations on your recent engagement!
Looking back on my own engagement, I can remember being excited but also quite overwhelmed at the thought of planning such a big event. I wanted things to be perfect; I wanted everything to reflect who my fiancé and I are as people and what we love together. Not a modest task if you ask me. As a recent bride, I know how hard this can all be and I want you to all know that I’m here to help with all your wedding related questions. These are the first few things I started with, and also how I dealt with some of my wedding planning stress.
1. Take a week to let it sink in
People will want to congratulate you, and of course will want to ask you every single detail of your upcoming wedding. I remember thinking, “I’ve been engaged for 5 seconds, I have no idea when and where we’ll get married!” If you want, wait a week before telling EVERYONE. Keep it for your parents and close friends, and make them promise not to share. This will give you and your new fiancé time to enjoy it together.
2. Discuss your hopes and dreams
Most girls know when the big day will happen. If not, we at least have an idea of when the relationship is headed in that direction. Girls plan their wedding day months or even years in advance. When my hubby popped the big question, it became real. Now, we had to sit down and talk about what we both wanted. Remember to listen to his ideas and to consider them even though they might not fit into your plan. If you’ll want help throughout the planning, you’ll want to start here. In my case, I planned most of the wedding, but he was involved in putting out planning fires and getting me back to earth when my ideas went overboard. Fiancés are good for that. Remember to let them help you when they offer it.
3. Budget
This is always a hot topic during the planning of a wedding. Decide on a number you are ready to spend, and stick to it. If you think you will get financial help from your parents, this is a good time to sit down with them and discuss it. It can be very touchy so be ready, but it will give you a better idea of how much you have to play with.
When we were planning and budgeting, my fiancé didn’t like to include what was already purchased (dress, rings, and deposits) into the total #. If it was already out of our bank account, he didn’t care to discuss it. If this works to keep their stress down, do it!
4. Decide on a theme
A theme isn’t always needed, but it can help you plan. Start by picking colours you like. In our case, I wanted everything to be brown, green and white and everything was to be handmade. Eventually we decided our theme would be ‘Eco-Chic’. Be creative and don’t overdo it. Decorations can be very costly and most of the time, simple and classic wins over extravagant.
5. Make lists
When we were planning our wedding, I used a master spreadsheet off Google docs. I kept all our important wedding information on this list, and it kept me sane during the whole process. Not everyone works well this way, but it really helped me stay and feel more organized. When we were ready to make all our DIY projects (20 projects, no lie), I had created a list of the tasks, materials needed, person who would we helping, deadline, where it would be used at the wedding. This was SO helpful and it kept me sane when I thought I was behind on everything. I would simply take a look at my to-dos and realize that I was doing well. Also, it helped me when I decided to cut out some projects. Check out the Master Spreadsheet!
6. Learn to delegate
It’s really, really hard but so worth it. If you’re like me (aka Martha Stewart Bride), you’ll want to create, make, control and remake everything until it’s perfect. Manage what you CAN control and let others help you with things you might not feel as comfortable doing. DO control the lists but delegate the tasks. Give jobs to the people who are willing to help you. If you have volunteers, you’re ahead of the game!
7. Timeline & Logistics
Now that you’re engaged, a lot of decisions will have to be made. There are TONS of resources out there that can help you with your planning timeline. Deadlines are important when planning, but take it easy – people have planned successful weddings in under 3 months (my mother just did it, and her wedding was stunning!) Here are some websites and tools that helped me.
http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/273406/my-wedding-tools (American) http://www.weddingbells.ca/tools/about/ (Canadian)
More things to consider:
a. Pick your wedding date, this may be subject to the availability of your venue, but try to narrow down a time during the year at least.
b. Go visit a couple venues, even ones you don’t think you’ll like (it’s better to strike them off your list than to find out about them a month after you paid your 1st deposit). Book your venue at least a year before your wedding date.
c. Decide if you’ll have suppliers (photographer, videographer, caterer, equipment rental) If you plan on getting married during the summer or during a holiday, you’ll have to book these ahead of time.
An engagement marks the beginning of such an amazing ride which will at times test you, excite you, amaze you and tire you. Remember to take a step back and keep in mind what you and your fiancé truly want when making every single decision. It can seem difficult or demanding now, but try to do it. Often it’s difficult to stick with your original vision when others try to sway you in every other direction (of course, they do it out of love, but c’mon, stand up for yourself!). It’s very easy to forget what you envisioned your wedding to look like in the beginning. In the end, your wedding day is yours and no one else’s. Don’t forget to stay strong as a couple and to be yourself.
Happy planning!
Andrée C.
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